Frustrations, Not Caring, Closure, I'm Done.

This post is going to be me venting. Feel free to read it, or don't. I don't care. I just like to get things out on paper because it makes me feel better. It my be jumbled, repetitive, or not even make sense to you. That's ok because it's for me.

I am frustrated and confused.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I love my faith and the teachings of it. I try to be strong in my beliefs and people know the things that I do and don't do. I wake up every morning and make the decisions that I do to be the best me and to teach my children the same. I like to believe that I am a person who is accepting, loving, respectful of what others think-feel-what they believe, and definitely non judgmental. I care. I care about others and, more times than not, put them before myself.

I don't like it when people are fake, so I try very hard not to be. I have been trying for the last 6 years to just lay it all out on the table. Like it or not. I have always been one to hate confrontation so I haven't been quite as successful about this as I hope to be one day.

I am not a gossip. If I hear something, I'm not going to go running to the next person and say "guess what so and so did??" That is childish and not my place. However, I do talk to my husband. He is my best friend and when I'm a little annoyed or find something interesting, I go to him. He helps me see things in other points of view, he helps comfort me, and he reminds me when things aren't important enough to care about. So no, I'm not going to not go to him.

I love each one of my friends dearly. If they make choices that I don't agree with or take part in, whatever! It's their decision. Do I like it? No. Does that mean I'm judging them? NO! I know dang well that my purpose here on this Earth is NOT to judge others. So I don't. If you do something and are worried about me finding out, there's something wrong with that. It is because for some reason YOU feel guilty. Why do you feel guilty? I am not important. Why do you care so much what I think?? Sure, I may disagree (and that's all it is. a disagreement. that's ok!) with what you did, but that doesn't mean I'm going to think less of you. We are all human!

The reason why I'm frustrated: JUST BE YOUR OWN PERSON. You can't live both worlds. It doesn't work that way. You can't truly be happy. . .Can you? If you want to live your life making the choices that you make then do it! Don't hide. You'll get a whole lot more respect from the people around you. And guess what? I DON'T CARE. I'll still be your friend. But you have to treat me like a friend. Don't do or say crap behind my back and pretend everything is peaches and cream and we're great friends in front of my face.

I am not perfect. Those of you who know me (if you're reading my blog, you know me) know that my words and actions SCREAM imperfection. I know that. But I try to be perfect. That's what the teachings of the gospel teach. To strive to be like your Savior. And He is perfect. The last thing I want anyone who's reading this to take away from it, is that I think I'm perfect or "holier than thou". Definitely not!

Bottom line: be who you want to be. Not for your parents, your siblings, and definitely not me. But for you. Just. Be. YOU. Don't lead a double life in hopes that the people in one life don't find out about the other life. If they don't like it, then they don't like it. You'll find people that will like you for you without having to hide anything about you. It'll sure be a lot easier on you and the people around you and won't cause any unnecessary drama.

I am just a person who wants to be there for her friends. Take me for who I am, or don't bother. I have enough respect for myself to not care about those who obviously don't care for me.